


We Make a Thousand Mistakes and Never Learn

by KitixUnrest



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Accidental Voyeurism, Fluff and Angst, Homophobia, Hormones, Hurt/Comfort, I will add more tags as chapters come out, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, Masturbation, Mating, Mpreg, Mythology - Freeform, mention of miscarriage, semi-slow build up, slight AU
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-09-17
Updated: 2013-10-02
Packaged: 2017-12-26 21:15:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,320
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/970376
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KitixUnrest/pseuds/KitixUnrest
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A rash of supernatural pregnancies brings the brothers up against something far stranger than they've ever encountered. Perceptions are changed. Is their foe good or bad, and how is he a part of their lives? How will his interaction with Sam alter the trials, the Winchester lineage, and the friendship of two men and the angels in their life? </p><p>Set admist the trials. Slight deviation from the show, starting after Sam killed the hellhound on to the season being filmed.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Silent Shout So Loud

**Author's Note:**

> I will be coming back after I find a beta to edit my posted chapters and revamp my tags/summery. Beta spot still open for this and many other stories. :D

"With the venomous kiss you gave me I'm killing loneliness. With the warmth of your arms you saved me, I'm killing loneliness with you. I'm killing loneliness that turned my heart into a tomb..."

The words of the song pumped hauntingly over the stereo system. Sam listened to it half halfheartedly as he watch Dean harass the poor black-clad kid behind the counter. He didn't think they would find out much from him, this particular hunt didn't seem to be doing much in the way of leads. Barely-legal women going missing at monthly intervals in a 30 mile radius over the last few months, showing up a few weeks later claiming to have been with 'God'. The girls were now pregnant and said 'God' had given them this gift for a purpose. Thing was, those who were already confirmed pregnant were progressing startlingly fast. As in their pregnancies were showing signs that they somehow were only going to be pregnant for about 5 months. Could have been some psycho with a need to sew his oats until that last bit. So here they were, in a mid-sized city in Wisconsin. Didn't seem to be much of a connection between the victims so far, and the most recent one had worked at this place and disappeared on her way there. They'd been here for almost a week already with no real idea what was behind it.

Shifting uncomfortably in his FBI suit, Sam glanced around the store. He had never been so happy to hear his phone go off as he was in that moment. "Agent Smith here" He said, business tone intact. After a few moments he turned and sought out his brother across the room. "Dean, we gotta go. The first vic is labor right now." The elder Winchester thanked the terrified looking cashier and slipped him a card with a final "Call me if you hear anything" and they made their way out to the impala. 

Once Dean pulled out of the parking lot he spoke quietly. "So we're just going to assume that 'Daddy' is going to come to claim these kids he was so determined to knock up half the county for?" He said. 

Sam nodded, looking out the window as they drove up a large hill to the hospital. "Yeah....and hope there is enough human in the kid that the docs don't flip out at whatever this girl has. The ultrasounds showed the babies to look human, but that doesn't mean anything. So-" 

Dean interrupted him. "So we gotta get someone in that room, in case baby is going to try and eat mommy or something, right?" Sam nodded yet again, irritated slightly as Dean continued. "But most of those Docs already know us as agents. We can't fool them to think we're Doctors too, 'specially baby docs. We don't know anything about delivering kids." Sam shot Dean a look before his brother sighed. "Alright fine....Castiel, get your celestial ass down-" He didn't get to finish his statement as the angel was immediately in the back seat. 

"Hello Dean, Sam. I'm gladdened to know you are here. We have been hearing about this blasphemous monster who claims to be our father and is producing offspring. I can assure you, it is not God. " 

The younger Winchester got out of the car as Dean parked. "We know that Cas. One of the babies is about to be born. A bit early too, from what we can tell, even though these pregnancies seem to be significantly shorter than human-average. You have to get in there and make sure there are no...issues. At least until we can get into the room ourselves which will likely not be until after delivery. " 

Dean led the way to the hospital and didn't look at Castiel at all. "Yeah...so we'll keep an eye out for whoever is claiming to be god and you make sure the little tyke isn't green-skinned or tries to kill anyone in the meantime." He said.

Sam looked back, uselessly. The smaller man had already disappeared. With a sigh, he followed his brother into the birthing center. This would be incredibly uncomfortable.

******

 

Sam had been right. The nurses were not in the least pleased about the feds demanding updates on one of their patients, even if they knew the girls predicament was a bit strange. The Winchesters had been reduced to sitting in the waiting room by a particularly curt head nurse. She was scary in her own right, despite being in her 40's, overweight, short, and soft spoken. Neither man had argued and now they sat watching the waiting room TV aimlessly and sipping vending machine coffee. It had taken them a short time to get used to the screams from rooms for once not being a sign for them to bust down a door. Now they had to trust Castiel would let them know if they were needed. 

Dean had dozed off and Sam was searching for information on one of the hospital's complimentary laptops when Cas popped in behind him. The angel narrowed his eyes at Dean while Sam erased his history and stood, poking his brother in the process. Dean blinked blearily at Castiel. "Well?" He said in a sleep-graveled voice, trying to wake up.

"It seems we have more problems than I thought. The baby will be of no harm to anyone, though it will be powerful. I am sure all the others will be the same." The angel said, a concerned look plain across his face. "I must report this in heaven..." He trailed off. 

"What do you mean, Cas? Powerful, but not a threat? What the hell is it?" Dean caught himself and lowered his voice before the nurses came to yell at them again. "Don't you dare flit your ass out of here without explaining" He started but Castiel was already gone. Sam would have laughed if he wasn't just as frustrated.

"Calm down Dean, we're going to have to get in there by the girl and baby. Keep an eye out until Cas comes back and tells us what the hell we're up against. We both know he isn't coming back until he's ready to and he said it's not going to hurt anyone. Let's just....do what we can for now." Sam said, determined not to let loose his anger in a freaking birthing center. They couldn't get thrown out, not while they needed to be here to keep the girl and child safe. "Which one do you want? "

"I'm going with the mom-don't look at me like that. No way I'm going to hit on a chick who just gave birth and worse, think it's god's kid-I just don't do well around babies." Dean said, glaring at Sam's questioning look. That much made sense. Dean probably wouldn't be able to sit quietly in the nursery anyways. 

After talking to the nurse again, they were escorted to their respective posts for the rest of the night. Settling in with the hospital laptop again, Sam glanced around the small nursery. There weren't many windows, different from what he expected. The newborn baby girl sat in a plastic tub on top of a wooden rolling table. She was happily asleep and there was only two nurses in the room, tending each to another baby in the room. Five babies total in the nursery, but Sam didn't concern himself in that moment with the others. This little girl was his charge. He was oddly protective, but he'd always had a soft spot for kids; and this one he knew was in danger. Flashbacks of the shapeshifter baby they'd tried to save several years before kept coming back to him. 

It took about two hours before he gave up on the laptop. He'd gotten another coffee, thankful to the nurses who kept going for their own and bringing him some. Glancing at his watch, Sam saw it was close to one am. He wondered how Dean was doing and was about to text him when he felt it. First he thought Castiel had come back; the almost imperceptible flutter of wings caught his attention. But the man before him was nothing like Castiel. Sam saw dark, short hair and a medium build before the lights went out. He reached for the baby who was no longer there and fumbled for the lighter he always had on him. It was a weak light but all the bulbs and the laptop were shattered. Anything electric from what he could see. The other babies were screaming and he could hear Dean yelling his name. Calling back, Sam gave up looking for his charge, knowing she was gone. He went to help the nurses with the other babies, seeing Dean stumble into the room. "She's gone....is the baby?" The older brother said, grateful to see one of the nurses pulling out candles and trying to bring some light. Even Dean picked up the last baby. Sam nodded, trying to sooth the bundle in his own arms. "Cas! You need to tell us what the fuck is going on here, because I'm pretty damn sure an angel just stole a baby and her mom!" Dean said. Sam hoped desperately that the other Winchester wasn't heard over the wailing infants or they may be in trouble. 

When it became clear that the angel wasn't going to poof in at that moment the brothers handed the screaming infants to more nurses and made hasty excuses to leave. Sam could see the lights were destroyed all the way down the hallway and new parents were filing into the halls. 

When they were in the safety of their car, Sam finally spoke. "So I wasn't crazy...you think it was an angel too. But he didn't look like the angels we've seen, Dean. There was something...off about him." He said, trying to wrap his head around it. The damage was the same that Dean explained Cas did when he used his true voice and power. But this man didn't give that wrathful deity look. He seemed tainted. 

"I don't know, Sammy. I don't know. All I know is Cas knows and isn't telling us. He could have warned us. If it was an angel we could have used holy oil or something. We could have stopped him. But no. Cas had to go back to heaven and leave us to clean up the mess as usual. Fucking angels!" He said, hitting the steering wheel. "I need a drink. A few drinks really. Want to hit up the bar, Sam?" Dean glanced at the younger man, daring Sam to say no.

"Fine. Let's just go for an hour and take the edge off. Then it's bar close and we need some sleep before we start looking for...whoever this is." Sam agreed. He wanted to go back and research. He wanted to demand Castiel come and tell them what they were up against. But right now he needed to erase the screaming babies from his mind and he knew Dean would explode if they went straight back to the hotel. 

**********

They pulled into a bar not far from where they were staying. "The Bar? Really? This place has no creativity." Sam laughed at Dean's comment. His brother was trying to be normal, trying to let them relax. "But I hear they have awesome wings. The girl....anyways. She recommended it. " That part killed his attempt a bit but they got out anyways and went inside. It was surprisingly busy for the time of night, but they seemed to have some DJ playing music and a party going on. Sam went to find a table while Dean ordered for them. After awhile watching people dance and his brother stuff his face, Sam excused himself to the bathroom. Dean waved him off with a smirk because there was a cute red head who'd been eyeing him up for the last ten minutes anyways. 

Sam relieved himself and already assumed he'd be going back to their room alone when he began washing his hands. He heard the soft flutter of wings and looked in the mirror to see the man behind him who'd been at the hospital. Before he could move or speak those celestial-strong arms wrapped around him from behind and the man smiled. He had a fleeting thought that in the light this man was absolutely stunning, and that was odd. One hand over his mouth and one holding his arms in place before the richest, most beautifully accented voice he'd ever heard spoke lowly in his ear. Sam felt like was on fire in the best way possible. Somewhere in his mind he screamed and wanted to fight against everything that was happening but his body would not move. 

"Samuel Winchester, the boy king, you who have been tainted with demon blood. You would do well not to get involved in my business. But I am gracious, and I saw you care for my daughter. " Here Sam had images of the last few hours flash through his head. Feeding the mysterious baby, changing her diaper, rocking her to sleep while he'd been with her. "For this I will grant you something. I am able to see into your soul, Samuel. Your darkest fear, being unable to find someone to love you for everything you are. You yearn for a family. Yes you love your brother, and you wish the same for him. He does too, so you know. If you don't bother me again, I may give him his wish too. I will give you what you desire Samuel. I will open your eyes to your soul mate. I will do no more though. You must open their eyes to you. I cannot make your relationship for you, only show you the way to your life-mate. I bid you good luck, and do not waste my gift." With that, the man disappeared and Sam drew in a deep breath he didn't know he'd been holding. The burning feeling faded away and time seemed to start again. He could hear the water running in the sink and someone flushing in a stall. He'd not even noticed time had stopped and suddenly he was questioning if the man had been there at all. 

Shaking himself away from replaying something he wasn't sure happened, Sam made his way from the bathroom. Dean was on the dance floor grinding with the redhead and Sam pulled a face when his brother grinned in his direction. Waving and pointing to the door Sam headed out to the parking lot, intending to walk the two blocks to their hotel and crash for the night.


	2. And Then It Was You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The trail goes cold, Winchesters have moved back to the Bat Cave, and Castiel reveals who the bad guy is, new information on the brother's bloodline is brought to light, and Sam comes to a realization. Kind of.
> 
> Adding a bit to this chapter!!!! A few small edits here and there besides but those probably won't be noticeable.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still looking for a beta, so all mistakes are mine. I have a few more chapters already wrote, and would like to get them edited before posting. As of right now, I'm planning to update weekly but there are no guarantees. Life tends to mess with my plans. xD

Sam woke from a dream of blue eyes and dark hair to damp sheets and sticky boxers. He glanced around, confused and a bit embarrassed and was glad to see Dean was no where to be found. Wet dreams didn't happen often for him, but Dean never let him live it down if he noticed one. "Not all of us choose to relieve it by finding a random warm body.." Sam grumbled to himself. Despite the evidence of getting off, Sam was still hard and aching. Deciding on a shower to get rid of both his problems, Sam headed for the bathroom. Stripping quickly and sliding under the spray Sam tried to relax. It was plainly clear after thoroughly scrubbing his body that he was going to have to take matters into his own hand, literally. He hadn't had an erection this prominent since puberty. 

Pouring some body wash into his hand, Sam leaned back and pressed against the wall. He trailed a hand along his own body, suddenly deciding he wanted to enjoy this. He drug short nails across his own skin, tweaking a nipple along the way. The hand with his make-shift lube slicked his cock generously, making a few light passes before gripping it firmly and setting a nice pace. He tried to keep his mind blank but for some reason he kept trailing back to his dream. Nothing specific but the slide of a lithe body; of heady kisses and dark, soft hair. Sam was thrusting into his hand by now, seeking release. Piercing blue eyes appeared in his minds' eye and Sam came with a soft cry. Trying to process why his half-remembered dream was bothering him so much, a pounding hit the door. "Hurry up Sammy. I wanna shower too before we get to work. " Dean said, his 'I just got laid' tone of voice instantly jerking Sam out of his post-orgasm haze. 

"Yeah I'm coming" He called back and rinsed off. Sam dried quickly and wrapped the towel around his waist before stepping out of the bathroom. Dean gave him a shit-eating grin and made a comment about getting Sam laid soon before he disappeared behind the door. 

**********

After another week, the boys had rented a small apartment. Castiel hadn't come back yet but it was clear they couldn't go anywhere with four more girls pregnant at varying stages and one still missing. Sam and Dean had no leads as of yet that had panned out. Sam was spending all his time researching anything remotely related to the happenings. Dean was shifting between re-questioning everyone, hounding Sam, and drinking. After they'd been in Wisconsin a month, one of the girls delivered again. It was a still birth, and the man never showed up. A few days later the missing girl showed up, telling the same story as the others. She tested positive for pregnancy immediately. A month after that another baby was born. A baby girl again, and she was taken within hours of delivery along with her mother. The brothers hadn't even known she was in labor until after their disappearance. This went on for all six women, three of them stillbirths and the man did not appear. There had been no more women going missing by now. After the last birth, a boy, and he and his mother were taken, the Winchesters had no more leads. It took Dean a week to give in and move on, there was no sign of the man anywhere and Castiel was still MIA. They'd been in Wisconsin around five months now and it had gained them nothing. 

******

They'd been back at the Bat Cave for about a week and a half when Sam found the pattern again, this time in another mid-sized city in New Jersey. It had started about a month after the last girl had returned in Wisconsin. "This guy has a system, Dean. It's cut and dry and I've traced it back at least two hundred years but it seems to be new in the states. I think he was in Europe before this. He seems to spend a year going around taking and knocking up women, then sending them home. He takes 'young maidens of marrying age, harboring them for thrice weeks, a week between' and the pregnancies apparently last four to five months. Three of six pregnancies in each of the two areas in that year result in stillbirth. The ones with live kids he takes. I can't find anything else. He can't be an angel, he's been running around doing this for centuries. I can't believe the Higher Power would just let that go. There is mentions in a couple European cultures of something similar happening but I can't find much else in these old books." Sam had been scanning all he could of the old paperwork but he couldn't read half the languages in there. He'd asked Kevin to come take a crack at it but Garth was holding off for a few days. "The next girl should be having the baby anytime. We already know we can't do anything, we need Cas to come back and explain what is going on."

The brothers made a plan to wait for their prophet to show up and look at some of their older tomes before they'd head for Jersey. That gave them time to replenish supplies and Dean headed out for a hook up in some near by town. 

Sam crashed early, intending to get some sleep finally. Between the stress of trying to figure out who this guy was and the dreams each night, he wasn't sleeping well. He'd been tormented by the same blue eyes and dark hair for months, but couldn't grasp anything more from them but waking up feeling like something was missing. The feeling was lasting longer and longer until he'd gotten to the point that the only time he felt complete was in the dreams he couldn't remember. It was distracting to say the least and even Dean had noticed Sam's odd behavior. Tonight was no different, the dream coming back. Some nights it was sex, some nights he didn't even know he was asleep until he woke up. Visions of sitting and talking with someone, of a life he didn't have fading from his minds eye. Sam was there again, the sense of being whole and happy filling him. It started easy, flitting through the image of sitting in the woods quietly holding someones hand. Then kissing sweetly, slowly getting heavier. 

"Sam" the person said, and that was new. Sam never heard their voice this clearly...the tone wasn't right for what they were doing. "Sam, you keep calling for me." 

"Of course I do." Sam said, not sure what was going on, but pulling that mouth back to his and delving his tongue inside. He was met with resistance, for the first time. Those soft lips opened after a moment and Sam took advantage happily. Moaning, he thought that the taste had never seemed this real before and he opened his eyes to see the very blue that had been taunting him for months. Sam smiled before Castiel pulled free and gave him a confused look and brought his fingers to his lips. That's the moment Sam realized this wasn't a dream. He wasn't in the woods anymore. Glancing around he saw his room in the Men of Letters bunker, and his brothers' very confused looking angel sitting on the edge of his bed. 

*******

"Cas? What are you doing here?" Sam said, brushing a hand through his hair. He couldn't shake the feeling he'd missed something. This dream had been so real. Had he...had he kissed Castiel? Why did Sam find it impossible to stop staring at the other man's eyes?

Castiel visibly shook himself and put his hand down on his lap. "I came because you have been praying to me incessantly for months. This is the first time I was able to come back, but I got some information for you and your brother. If you hadn't prayed so hard for me by name I don't believe I would have even been able to enter this building, for all your wardings. I am sorry for waking you. You seemed to be enjoying your dream, but I have no idea how long I have before I'm called back. " 

It took a moment for Sam's sleep-addled mind to catch up. "I gave up weeks months ago. I think Dean's the only one still calling for you, though only when he's drunk. " He wasn't going to talk about his dreams right now, but there was something nagging at the back of his mind about this. What was it? He needed coffee. "Yours and Dean's bond must have gotten you through." He said quietly, knowing the angel would hear it but not catch the annoyed tone. Sam slid off the opposite side of his bed and headed for the kitchen, assuming the other man would follow while he heated the teakettle.

"No Sam, I'm quite sure it was you. Every night, for hours beginning the night the first child was born. You have said some things I'm unsure what you meant, but I followed them here. Dean has called, yes. But true to his nature it wasn't often and usually no more than a demand I appear. Had I been able to, I would have. Where is Dean? He is not here, and both of you should hear what I have to report." Castiel sat at the table, obviously still trying to comply with Dean's demand he act more human. Sam waited until the kettle whistled and he'd made a cup of sugary coffee before he responded, using the time to figure out his thoughts.

"Dean is out with a girl. No idea where and he isn't going to pick up his phone while he's...occupied. So you might as well tell me what you've found out. I'll share it if you can't wait until he gets home. " Sam chose not to address that last part. He'd been calling Castiel while he slept? Had he....been dreaming of the angel? Those blue...no. Sam refused to follow that train of thought right now. There were more important things to focus on. So Sam blamed the need to stare into the smaller man's eyes on paying attention.

Castiel nodded slightly, as if to agree before starting in. He thankfully didn't seem to be interested in addressing the odd way Sam had been acting for the last few months. "These babies...the 'man' behind them is Amaniel. He is an angel, burdened with the charge of love and lust. Humans commonly refer to him as Eros....Cupid. He controls the Cherubs, if you remember them-" Here Sam's eye twitched, remembering the overly touchy naked man they'd encountered before they found Famine. He nodded and Cas continued. "-and wanders the earth with his Mate, Psyche."

Sam found himself interrupting. "Wait, what? Cupid and Psyche. They're real?" It shouldn't have been a surprise to him. He and Dean had met Ghanesh, Odin, Sheeva, and more. Still, this tidbit of mythology shocked him. "How much of the story is true? His Mate?"

Castiel sighed, one of the few human traits he used frequently. "Yes, they are real, though humans have the story a bit wrong. Most of humanity's myths and religions have legitimate bases, and frequently it is an interpretation of an angel who came to earth. I believe you remember my brother, Gabriel? The Loki from Norse mythology was inspired by him. Mates, on the other hand. Angels have the ability if they so choose to spend eternity on earth with a human Mate. Said angel would lay a claim on the person's soul, which in turn would give the Mate a choice of eternal life. There is much more to it, but we have no time." Sam was having a hard time taking all this in and sat down at the table across from Cas, ignoring the coffee at this point. "Needless to say, the myth is correct on most fronts. There was no Aphrodite, but there was a sister angel who put Psyche through trials once she'd betrayed Amaniel's trust. Once Psyche won, they were granted their union. When it was discovered Amaniel had helped Psyche through those trials, he was banished from returning to Heaven. He still does his duty, but he avidly avoids other angels." Castiel cleared his throat, shifting uncomfortably at this point. Sam knew he wasn't going to want to hear the next part, but suddenly alot of this was making sense. He stayed quiet until the older man started speaking again. " Because of this, Amaniel prefers to be called 'Eros'. He and Psyche live as they did when he was revered as the god of love. Every century he chooses women of preferable child-bearing age and produces offspring, half of whom do not survive as part of his punishment. Those who bear living infants are taken with their child to live with Eros and Psyche, first as wet nurses; then as the child gets old enough the women are employed as Psyche's handmaidens. These children are released into the world usually thinking they are human and raised from normal families, becoming some of the most well-loved and known people of each century. Few ever realize their powers. I think the only one known for it was....Merlin? But he was made into little more than a story by your current world as they do not believe in magic." 

Sam's eye bulged at the mention of Merlin. This was insane. Fucking angels and their crazy histories. What the hell was he supposed to do with this? "So ok...I get that he's basically a rouge angel. But why aren't the Higher Ups doing something about this? I mean, he's with his eternal mate and all, right? Why is Heaven allowing him to just kidnap women and rape them? Isn't that against their rules or something?" He knew he sure as hell wasn't going to just leave it alone. Wouldn't be the first angel they'd ganked. Now that Sam knew what they were up against he was starting to form plans when Castiel spoke again.

"Amaniel...Eros, his duty, besides helping humans to find their soul mates was to create vessels. His children are the ones who head the families who can house angels. His own vessel was a gift from our father long before he found Psyche. They were the first pair that traversed the Mating abilities, but Eros had been walking among humans for millennia, interbreeding with humans to give other angels the ability to come to this planet. He is the cause of all love and lust on earth, though he no longer seems to need to be there to cause it. His power has been integrated into humanity and he only interferes in special cases." Sam snorted and Castiel lifted a brow, but trudged on before Sam could interrupt. "There is never...rape. Eros' vessel was never human and his power is deeply set into it. He is almost painfully beautiful to humans, his voice alone can cause desire and befuddle those around him. These women come willingly to him, they are given the choice to bear his child. None say no unless they have already found their true love. Eros knows who is meant for whom and would not approach those who would not be willing. He loves humanity and his children. "

Castiel stopped talking, and Sam didn't push more on this Eros' mate. Something else caught his attention, several somethings, but this one most. "Uhm...Cas. Dean and I are vessels. Does that mean this guy, angel, is our great-great-however many grandfather?" At the other man's nod, Sam sank back into his chair. No wonder he'd been so protective of that baby. She was, albeit distantly, related to him. Suddenly the night in the bar bathroom ran into his mind. He'd forgotten it, it hadn't seemed to be real at the time. Eros had known so much about him...had said he was rewarding Sam. _'You yearn for a family...I will give you what you desire Samuel. I will open your eyes to your soul mate. I will do no more though. You must open their eyes to you. I cannot make your relationship for you, only show you the way to your life-mate.'_

Sam felt sick. Pushing away from the table, he dashed for the sink, emptying what little was in his stomach into the basin. Feeling a hand on his back, Sam knew Castiel was searching for what was wrong. "I'm fine Cas....it's nerves. Nothing you can heal." He wiped his mouth and poured a glass of water to rinse it before looking at the angel next to him. Slowly he raised his eyes from his hands to the blue concerned ones before him. The same ones that had been haunting him from barely-remembered dreams for almost six months. Since the night the angel of love had told him he'd be shown his true match. 

*******

Sam hadn't slept any more that night. Castiel had to leave only a few minutes after Sam had puked his guts into the kitchen sink. Sam promised to fill Dean in as soon as he got home, but so far all he'd been doing was playing everything over in his head. He'd started drinking an hour before and was almost through a bottle of whiskey when Dean stumbled in around 6am. His older brother didn't even notice him, bee lining for his own room while Sam laid on the couch, staring at the ceiling. He really should tell Dean about Eros, but drunk as he was, and Dean most likely not any better off, the conversation could wait a few hours. 

His mind reeled in so many directions. Eros was the angel of love and lust. That meant this could all be a ploy and fake lust had been pushed into his mind for the only non-incestous constant in his life. Sam didn't go for men. But on the other hand, lust, from what he'd read on Eros, was short lived. It didn't come with shmoopy dreams of walks in the park, long talks, or sitting by the fire. It didn't last half a damn year. 

Of course he'd always been drawn to Castiel. Sam had been obsessed with angels since he was old enough to know what they were. He'd been the one who'd prayed for years. He'd never really admitted it to anyone but himself, but Sam had been jealous of his brother's bond with the angel. Had resented that Cas had dismissed him so early on for being an abomination. 

Castiel had warmed to him over the years, but still kept more of a distance from him than Dean. _'I am able to see into your soul, Samuel. Your darkest fear, being unable to find someone to love you for everything you are...I will give you what you desire Samuel. I will open your eyes to your soul mate. I will do no more though. You must open their eyes to you.'_ For the hundredth time he went over what Eros had said to him. If what the other had said was true...Cas could love him for everything he was. The angel already knew everything about Sam; good, bad, in between. They were tentative friends. Sam had wanted to be closer, but never thought about it in this way. He'd always protected the smaller man when Dean was being an asshole. It was second nature to him. Maybe now he knew why he'd acted this way. Why he'd been so drawn to angels for years. But Castiel...was a man. His vessel was anyways. Sam realized that really didn't bother him like he thought it would. Maybe he'd just never thought of men that way because he hadn't met one he'd liked? It put a damper on his dream of kids and a normal life; but since when could he have that anyways? These thoughts cascaded through him as he dozed off. The brief but very real kiss they'd shared at the fore front of his mind. 

Sam entered sleep dreaming of the angel as usual, but he woke a short time later to a hand on his temple. Sweating and flushed, wet dream still fresh in his mind but the haze of alcohol gone. Blinking rapidly in the dim light of the lamp next to the couch, Sam saw blue eyes close to his own. He jumped back as far as he could on the couch and raised his leg to cover his not so little problem as Castiel spoke. "Sam, why would you drink at such a time? You promised to explain to your brother and he is sleeping in the other room unaware. I have burned the alcohol from your system, though I do not understand why you are so warm. You were vomiting and seem to have a fever, but I can not find any ailments. I was going to enter your dream if you had not woken. Was it a nightmare? You were calling for me again."

Sam's face flushed further red. "No!" He tried to take a breath and resisted the urge to reach for the blue eyed man before him, dream clear on his mind for once and battling his embarrassment. "I mean...uh, please don't go in my head, Cas. I'm fine. I just have weird dreams lately. I'm sorry for calling you away from Heaven." He finished lamely.

Castiel's face showed confusion and concern as he narrowed his eyes at Sam. "You are embarrassed. Did I do something to make you uncomfortable? Perhaps when we kissed earlier? I realize humans sometimes do things in their sleep that they do not mean to. There is no reason to be upset, I will not 'take it the wrong way' as you say. " Sam squeaked and closed his eyes, willing his heart beat to settle. 

"No it's...It's not that. I mean, not really. It's me. I'm just..." He sighed, scrubbing a hand over his face before meeting the angel's gaze head on. "Cas....how does Eros show people their true love?" he finally said. That seemed vague enough. Could be research.

Castiel didn't look like he suspected anything, face blank again. "It is rare for Amaniel to get involved anymore. I believe it was by dreams. He is unable to force a relationship, but he sometimes will show one or both of the people who the other is, and lets them search from there. Frequently those he shows still won't find their partner, or do not pursue the relationship. Free will still reigns strong in our Father's creations. Why do you ask?"

Sam let his gaze drop to his lap. "Just wondering...This whole thing is kind of crazy you know?" He hoped the angel would leave it at that, but Castiel was never that great on picking up social cues. Nor was he an idiot, no matter how naive he was at times.

"It's not crazy to me." Sam saw something flicker behind the smaller mans' eyes, and was floored when the next words came. "What exactly have you been dreaming about, Sam? You've been calling to me since the night you met my brother. You've said some...strange things, and I assumed you were either drunk or dreaming. You're acting oddly, you kissed me in your dream and now you are asking about Eros' ways of revealing partners. Did Amaniel show you someone?" Castiel paused a beat but trudged on. "Did he show you me?"

Sam's heart thudded in his throat. He had a denile on the tip of his tongue when "Yes." Escaped his mouth. Flushing again he dropped his head to stare at an absolutely fascinating string that came loose on his shirt hem. What was he, 13? He killed angels and demons, fought off the possession of Lucifer himself, stopped the apocalypse, was in the midst of the trials right now. Some asshole Cupid had given him some dreams of his friend and he was acting like a kid with a crush. Squaring his shoulders, Sam looked up in time to see Castiel was already gone. "Fuck" he groaned, knowing he'd screwed up his friendship and feeling like a gaping hole was opening in his gut. Sam got up to make his brother breakfast; thinking it best to take the Winchester way and act like nothing was wrong.


	3. For All Our Misunderstandings, Some Things Just Fit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas comes back, but only after he knows it's ok.
> 
> SMUT.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you have already been reading this, I added some to the previous chapter. The beginning of this one won't make sense if you don't read it.

A shower, large breakfast, and target practice filled up most of his morning. Dean was chipper and had gone along with all Sam did for awhile. They had a simple salt-and-burn a state over and left for the night, glad to have a mild distraction admist everything else going on. They got back the next morning in time for a call from Garth, who let them know he'd be there the next morning with Kevin. Dean was delighted to know that their little prophet would be there to study. He and Kevin got on surprisingly well, and god knows they both needed a break. This meant Sam wouldn't get Kevin to study for a couple days after that either while Dean took him out or they got some goofing off done. Sam and Garth would act annoyed, but both would be glad the other two were letting off some steam. Sam still hadn't told Dean what he knew, hoping to let his brother get a few days fun before this bombshell was dropped. So when Sam crawled into bed that night, worn out from the job and driving the way back with no sleep so Dean could crash, he was unsure what to expect. He'd avoided sleep and the dreams as long as he could, but he could only go so long.

Closing his eyes, he knew sleep wasn't far off when he felt the air shift. 'Shit' he thought, hoping he was wrong and it was some angel that somehow got past the wards and planned to kill him. Sam slit one eye open to see Castiel staring at him. Nope, he'd been right. Death would have been easier than this conversation. He sat up against the headboard and met the other man's eyes steadily. That was a small miracle in his favor already. Maybe he could do this. "Hello Sam" came the all-to-familiar low gravel.

"Hey Cas....what are you doing here?" He said.

Castiel shifted his weight uncomfortably. "I am here to speak with you. I have....I have been to see my brother, Amaniel." He said quietly. Sam's eyebrows shot to his hairline, but really he shouldn't have been surprised. The angel before him began again. "I wanted to be sure...before I did anything. Sam, are you uncomfortable with the knowledge you have been given?" Cas said, meeting his gaze head on.

"What do you mean, Cas? The fact that I've been shown that you are supposed to be my soul mate? Or that you are a man?" Sam hadn't meant to sound so harsh, and wished he could take it back when Castiel's shoulders drooped slightly. At the nod he received Sam took a deep breath, trying to figure out the most honest way to respond. "I...no. When I realized it was you I was dreaming about I freaked out. Then I had some time to think about it, and it wasn't because you are a guy." He saw the angel about to cut in and revised his wording. "Kind of a guy, at least in this pretense. I was more freaked out that this might ruin our friendship. I didn't want to assume you'd just be ok with it, and I sure as hell didn't want you to be with me just because Eros said we were a good match. You do that, Cas. Don't deny it. You've always done things because you were told or thought it was right, and I don't want a partner who is with me out of duty. No matter what some Love God says. I realize now I've liked you for awhile. I just never thought of anything more because you are so closed off from me and I didn't know I was seeing you as more than a friend. But I do. Always have. I also know you are close with Dean and have a 'profound bond' with him. You've made it clear more than once you'd choose him. I'm not going to interfere with that." Here Sam looked away, having said his piece. The angel was quiet and Sam was beginning to think Castiel had left again when he felt a weight shift the bed. Sam looked back in time to see the smaller man lean forward and slot their mouths together. 

"Cas?" Sam said against the soft mouth, terrified and happy all at once. What did this mean? Castiel took advantage of the opening and slid his tongue inside Sam's mouth deftly. There was a short thought that Cas was surprisingly good at this, but he remembered seeing the angel do this with Meg and even that thought wasn't enough to stop the feeling that this was absolutely right. Sam groaned quietly and found himself kissing back eagerly. 

Pale hands fisted tentatively in long brown hair, dragging a somewhat louder moan from Sam. He broke away to catch his breath, resting his forehead against the angel's shoulder. Ignoring the awkward way his back was bent Sam pulled the courage to ask "Not that I'm complaining or anything, but what is happening Cas?"

"I believe we are kissing Sam, with the intention of copulation?" The smaller man said blatantly. Sam balked at the tone of annoyance the angel leaked, coupled with the statement. 'Wait, WHAT?' he thought. Opening his eyes, Sam noticed that he could see Castiel's arousal pressing proudly against the dark slacks. He flushed deeply, glad the other couldn't see his face or the fact that seeing it made his own cock twitch and harden painfully. 

"I get that" He said with a swallow. "But I mean, what does it mean? Are you excepting this whole soul mate thing? Am I....am I just a duty, again?" Sam didn't want that. He didn't want to be with someone unless they wanted him for real. He was tired of his life being filled with obligations and duties. He wasn't sure he loved the smaller man just yet, but he knew he could; not just because Eros had told him so but because he'd always felt the need to be with Castiel for in some way. Needed to keep Cas in his life.

Castiel pulled back from the younger Winchester, forcing the much larger man to meet his eyes. "You were never my duty Samuel. Your brother was, then he became my friend. You were my first friend that was purely there because you wanted to be. Not my siblings whom I was created with, and cared for because we were one in the same. Not my charge, as protecting Micheal's vessel was. You wanted to be my friend and we grew a bond of our own since we have met. There was never reason for us to pursue one and you did, and I've found myself enjoying that fact more than I could understand. With Dean's insistence on personal space and human intimacy views on same-gendered pairings I have not explored the...emotions I have felt when it came to you. You have never made any inclination to enjoying relations with someone of your own sex so I assumed the attention would be unwanted, and I did not know how to go about it when you confessed what Amaniel had shown you. I have seen many carnal acts over the centuries and I know of a few siblings who have taken part or chosen mates; but I myself have never experienced them and did not want to do something wrong. I sought Amaniel-Eros' advice and to confirm what you'd said. He gave me a 'crash course' on what to do....if you will have me, I'd like to pursue a courtship with you, Sam. " By the end Castiel was flushed and scared looking. Sam had never heard the angel talk like this, and was both amused and flattered that he'd gone to a freaking love god to get pointers on how to get him into bed. 

Breaking into a wide smile Sam leaned forward, deciding to process all the information later. For right now, he had a gorgeous angel in his bed who was proposing a relationship. Not to mention sex. An angel who'd apparently had a crush on him for awhile, despite all the things Cas knew about him. Maybe Eros was right, this could work. 

Leaning forward Sam captured Cas's lips with his own and kissed him deeply, chastely. "Castiel, I would love nothing more." Ok, so it was cheesy but Sam had always had a romantic side and he knew Cas wouldn't mind. At the blue-eyed mans' smile, Sam kissed him again and asked entrance with his tongue which Castiel eagerly allowed. 

It wasn't long before Castiel pushed Sam down against the bed and crawled across his lap. It was a bit awkward at first; the smaller man obviously unsure, but determined. Sam couldn't find it anything but hot as hell to know this angel was choosing to give in to the ultimate sin of lust for the first time just for him. Sam pushed Castiel's trenchcoat off and made quick work of the shirt buttons. He waited for a moment, drinking in the sight of Cas flushed and debauched looking already; top splayed open and straddling Sam. 

The smaller man showed impatience, ripping his shirt the rest of the way off along with his tie and tossing them aimlessly across the room. Castiel leaned down and locked his mouth against Sam's, elicting a deep moan from the young Winchester. Sam finally got with the program and rolled them over, pressing his boxer-clad erection against Cas's. The angel keened loudly and threw his head back, causing Sam to start a rhythm just to hear that noise again. 

Castiel gasped as Sam left a wet trail of love bites from his ear, over his clavicle, and up across his chin before stealing a kiss. "Sam....oh yes. Please..." He mumbled quietly, unsure how to handle all the sensations. Sam made his way down the older man's torso slowly, toying with a nipple and dipping his tongue into the belly button before him while he rid Castiel of the suit pants and boxers. He was suddenly very glad he'd been watching gay porn since he'd realized the angel was the one he'd been dreaming about. He at least knew what to do. 

Breaking away, Sam stretched over the angel. He ignored the way Castiel whined and shivered as he felt blunt nails on his back and a warm mouth latch around his nipple. "Fuck...Cas. Cas, if you keep that up I'll never find the lube." He said, finally gripping the small bottle he kept in the side drawer for his 'alone time'. Moaning when air hit his now-wet nipple Sam kissed his angel roughly, slicking his fingers deftly. 

"S...Sam..." Castiel breathed when Sam brushed a finger against his entrance. Sam shushed him with gentle kisses and slid his other hand down to wrap around Cas's cock and stroked him slowly. Cas threw his head back "Sam!" He almost yelled it and Sam had a moment of wondering if Dean would hear them. Pushing that thought away for the time being he placed one more kiss against his angel's lips and moved down between Cas's legs.

He'd never done this before and was a bit nervous himself but he wanted Castiel to enjoy it, so Sam flicked his tongue out against Cas's slit as his slid his first finger slowly into the smaller mans' entrance. Castiel seemed to jointly move into both pressures. Pale hands once more twined in brown hair and Sam took it as a sign to continue. Short licks and tentative pushes into tight heat before he gained enough confidence to suck the angel in inch by inch. By the time he'd gotten three fingers into Cas, the small man was writhing and begging for Sam to 'fuck him already'. Sam didn't know if getting the angel to swear was hilarious or hotter than anything he'd ever heard.

An obscene pop as Sam finally pulled off the angel's dick and deemed him ready for more. He hadn't even lost his boxers and could feel how slick they were from him rutting against the bed, leaking precum steadily. Sam slid them off and kicked them away before Castiel was yanking him up to thrust his tongue into Sam's mouth, groaning against his own taste and Sam's body pressing heavily against his own. "Please, Sam. I can't take it any more. I need to feel you. Need to be one with you..." Sam was only too happy to oblige.

"This might hurt for a bit Cas. I promise it will get better. I promise." Sam said quietly, slicking himself generously with lube before brushing his head against it's goal. Castiel moaned deeply and rocked up, seeking more. Sam had to force himself to keep his eyes open, keep them locked on his angel's face as he rocked gently into the vice-like heat around his cock. He wanted to remember this forever. Wanted to feel this for an eternity. Then Cas was moving, determined to take him in all the way. When Sam bottomed out he was kissing Castiel, starting an immediate steady rhythm. "Fuck....Cas....you're so god damn tight. " He was already seeing white, knew he wasn't going to last. 

"Sam....Sam it feels so good. More....oh more, please..." Castiel was begging aimlessly now, tossing his head back and forth as he dug his nails into Sam's back. The younger Winchester knew the angel was holding back that celestial strength but even so, he was going to have a hell of a set of marks. That thought just made him thrust harder, snaking a hand between them and jerking the smaller man in time. When Castiel suddenly stiffened and his eyes rolled back with a simple "Oh" whispering from his mouth, Sam knew he'd found Cas's prostate. With a smirk he made sure he was hitting it on every stroke from then on. "Sam....Oh fuck Sam." The vulgar word from his heavenly partner threw Sam over the edge.

"God Cas...I'm, christ I'm gunna.." He clenched his teeth for a moment before continueing, "come, please, come with me" He flicked his thumb over Cas's head and that was it, Castiel's eyes glowed white and he squeezed them shut tight as he bit deeply into Sam's shoulder, spurting heavily over the younger man's hand. Sam let loose deep inside, feeling the muscles clenching around him but barely registering the pain of the bite. He collapsed on the angel, breathing heavily.

They lay like that for a short while, Castiel threading his hands through Sam's hair and Sam feeling the borrowed body's heart beat beneath his cheek. Finally Sam found the energy to prop himself up and look at the man below him. "You are amazing Castiel." He said with a shy smile. Sam kissed the other man gently, who was blushing. He stood up from the bed, going to the bathroom for a washcloth. He cleaned himself up and came out, planning to do the same but Castiel was already clean. 'Angel mojo means easy cleanup' he thought, putting that information away for future reference. 

Cas was still naked, and Sam slipped in next to him, cuddling around the other. "You're not going poof out on me?" He was half teasing, half afraid and asking. He suddenly didn't want the smaller man to be gone. Sam didn't think he'd believe any of this really happened if he woke up and Castiel was gone, even if it bugged him to think of the angel wide awake and watching him all night.

Castiel looked at him with a puzzled expression. "Of course not. Unless Heaven calls me away, I would not leave you. Isn't cuddling a normal occurrence after sexual relations?" Cas said, seeming genuinely confused. Sam couldn't help the small laugh that escaped him and he kissed the blue eyed man he was currently wrapped around.

"Good. I need to sleep. It's been a few days, but I want to see you when I wake up. " He said, uncaring if he was being girly. He was happy for the first time in a long time. More relaxed than he'd been in years. Since Jess, if he was honest with himself. Sam felt more than saw the angel nod as he drifted off, wrapped around a body that seemed to fit more than perfectly against him and feeling whole.


End file.
